The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize