you didnt know i had herpes?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
