my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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