i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
