so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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