I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
