Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
