proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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