my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
