it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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