She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And then my night got REAL pukey
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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