Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
