yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
