Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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