and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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