Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
