i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
