note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
