So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
