Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
