is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
