Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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