New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
