my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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