chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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