i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
