I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
