i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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