Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
