I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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