WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
