In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
