I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
