It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
