their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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