Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
