No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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