so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
