3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
