dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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