ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have fence marks all over my body
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
