I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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