Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
