He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
