Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
