Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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