After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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