Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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