I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
