I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
