this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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