The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
