Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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