i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Say something about gay babies.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
