i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
