super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You smell like stripper and shame
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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