your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
