like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
