i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
