your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
