its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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