My hand turned me down
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
