Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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