I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
