He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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