She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
