Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
false alarm. still invincible.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
