FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
